Your sexual preference is not a choice; your sexual identity is not a choice. I tried to deny my sexual identity for years and tried to ‘fix it’ and ‘become normal,’ but it doesn’t work that way.
Bruce Bastian, On Point, NPR, 12/1/08
Homosexuality and its acceptance have doomed most of the world to eternal damnation.
Fred Phelps, Sr., It Could Get Ugly, The Winnipeg Sun, 8/8/2008
Omnia vincit Amor. [Love conquers all.]
Virgil, Eclogue X, Eclogues, circa 44 BC
‘Tough’ can be seen as 'difficult to understand'—considering homosexuality, or any sexuality—it can also be seen? as ‘strong,' 'resilient,' 'able to withstand,' and in that sense, talks about the power of truth. A ‘tough love’ would be a love that has struggled enormously and yet has survived. A ‘tough love' would also be the Phelps family's love of their God, and religion in general. There is also of course the term as it applies to parents and their kids, or teachers and their students and so on, as it is used to refer to a technique of 'behavior modification.' This 'cruel to be kind' way of thinking is at the core of the WBC's reasoning, both in how they see themselves and in how they perceive their God. They picket funerals and terrorize people to 'save souls' just as ‘God sends hurricanes and flies planes into buildings to do the same.’ In terms of the current equal rights climate with California's Prop. 8 amendment and such, the law takes on this authoritative role, looking after it's citizens by punishing them. Love is the behavior these laws attempt to modify. A ‘tough love’ then starts to look identical to hate. Maybe they are one in the same?
View from EntranceEast and North Walls
Daren YoungEast Wall Installation.2
Daren YoungEast Wall Installation.1
Daren YoungEast Wall Installation.detail.2
North Wall-Andrew Graham Installation
View from EntranceWest and North Walls
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.3:4 view
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.full view
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail center
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail left
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail left.2
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail right
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail right.2
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.flatscreen detail.1
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.flatscreen detail.2
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.flatscreen detail.3
View From North East CornerSouth and West Walls
View from North West CornerSoutheast Corner
Andrew GrahamSouth Wall Installation.1
Andrew GrahamSouth Wall Installation.right grouping
Andrew GrahamSouth Wall Installation.left grouping
1. One of these scouts is not like the others 1969 — Age 8 I began to realize I was different than the other boys in my small home town of Spanish Fork, Utah about the same time I started scouting. I wasn’t exactly sure what made me different from them, but I knew something just wasn’t the same. My budding attraction towards other males was only a part of this dissimilarity; it had more to do with the very essence of the person I was becoming. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
2. Sissy 1971 — Age 10 I was always far more interested in things that most boys my age couldn’t have cared less about, such things as cooking, art, music, reading and fashion. I most definitely didn’t like sports and seemed to prefer hanging out with girls more than with the other boys. My mother actually seemed to encourage this behavior although I know my father was rather perplexed by it. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
3. Boys will be boys… 1973 — Age 12 Like most boys, once I had discovered masturbation I couldn’t get enough of it. The big difference, though, was that while other boys were thinking about women while they did it, I found myself fantasizing about men. I can especially remember the mileage I got from that magazine photo of Mark Spitz in his Speedo with all those gold medals around his neck. Oh, my…! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
4. My first crush 1974 — Age 13 My parents thought getting a paper route would help teach me the value of hard work. Little did they know I would develop my first major crush on a cute teenage boy a few years older than me who lived along my route. I always managed to find ways to be around his house especially during the times he would be out mowing the lawn wearing nothing but his cut-off shorts! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
5. The pedophile (Or, my best friend’s 26-year-old cousin) 1975 – Age 14 My best friend from junior high had an older cousin, Robert, who lived with my friend’s family. Robert did really cool things like take us to R-rated drive-in movies and give us booze. I thought he was a pretty great guy; that is, until the night he decided to collect on all those favors. I refused to talk to my best friend afterwards, blaming him for what happened. Of course, it was years later that I realized Robert had probably been doing the same thing to my friend. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
6. I’m not alone 1976 — Age 15 Right after my freshman year in high school, and at a time I was feeling especially lonely and alienated, I decided to learn more about why I was having these same-gender attractions. I read two books that summer that changed my life: The Front Runner by Patricia Nell Warren and Consenting Adult by Laura Z. Hobson. These books helped me put a name to what I knew all along, that I might actually be gay. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
7. My first kiss 1977 — Age 16 At the end of my sophomore year, my friend Steve and I were hanging out together and somehow the topic of homosexuality came up. We both eventually got up the nerve to tell each other we thought we might be gay. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. I’ll never forget that very awkward and nervous moment as long as I live... I had finally kissed another guy! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
8. Call me… 1977 — Age 16 Once I had discovered the joy of kissing another man, I was ready for more. But my friend Steve had gone away for the summer to stay with his sister in California. So at my next haircut, I decided to include a note with the tip I gave to my stylist, asking him to call me. He did, and Doug and I went out on a date the next night. After going to the movie Star Wars and eating Chinese food, I lost my virginity. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
9. A whole new world 1977 — Age 16 Doug and I got together quite a bit during that summer. It didn’t matter that he was five years older than me and the only thing we had in common was sex. One night Doug took me to The Sun, a gay bar in Salt Lake City (I got in with a fake ID). I had never seen so many gay people at one time or so many different types of gay people, everyone from drag queens and leather men to lesbians, go-go boys, and even gay cowboys! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
10. Intervention 1977 — Age 16 Once Steve got back from California and found out about my relationship with Doug, he was very hurt and reported me to my Mormon Church bishop. I was required to confess everything to the bishop, and was given books and pamphlets to read about the horrors and evils of homosexuality. The bishop also told my parents, and I was immediately put into therapy and forbidden to ever see Doug again. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
11. Pariah 1978 — Age 17 Steve didn’t stop at outing me to my bishop and parents. He began spreading rumors about me at school, as well. I went from being the popular class president to becoming the school freak. Friends started avoiding me; classmates would laugh and make rude comments about me; no one would sit near me. Feeling completely abandoned and ostracized, I seriously considered suicide as an escape. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
12. Reparative therapy 1978 — Age 17 I completely credit my psychiatrist, Dr. Tuttle, for saving my life. He helped me deal with my depression and suicidal feelings. However, he was also assigned to cure my homosexuality through reparative therapy in which I was forced to abhor anything gay, and replace homosexual thoughts and feelings with those for the opposite gender. He tried several different kinds of treatments including hypnotherapy and aversion therapy. I was told if I wanted to change bad enough, I could.” Note about this piece: I wore a rubber band on my wrist and was required to snap it each time I had a homosexual thought or desire. This was to make me connect my same-sex attraction with pain. I was also monitored with electrodes to see how I would react to homoerotic images and was given hypnotic suggestions in which I would become nauseated when I looked at such imagery.) Epilogue 2008 — Age 47 All things considered, everything eventually turned out just fine. While I continued therapy for several more years, tried dating girls, and eventually went on a Mormon mission, I finally came to the realization that there was nothing I could do to change my sexual orientation. In 1983, I met my soul mate, and he and I have been together ever since. I am luckier than many young men and women who are struggling with their sexuality. While my story has a happy ending, there are so many others who may succumb to feelings of worthlessness and despair, and either choose a path of destructive behavior or ultimately take their own lives. By sharing my own particular story
View from EntranceEast and North Walls
Daren YoungEast Wall Installation.2
Daren YoungEast Wall Installation.1
Daren YoungEast Wall Installation.detail.2
North Wall-Andrew Graham Installation
View from EntranceWest and North Walls
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.3:4 view
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.full view
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail center
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail left
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail left.2
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail right
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.detail right.2
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.flatscreen detail.1
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.flatscreen detail.2
Daren YoungWest Wall Installation.flatscreen detail.3
View From North East CornerSouth and West Walls
View from North West CornerSoutheast Corner
Andrew GrahamSouth Wall Installation.1
Andrew GrahamSouth Wall Installation.right grouping
Andrew GrahamSouth Wall Installation.left grouping
1. One of these scouts is not like the others 1969 — Age 8 I began to realize I was different than the other boys in my small home town of Spanish Fork, Utah about the same time I started scouting. I wasn’t exactly sure what made me different from them, but I knew something just wasn’t the same. My budding attraction towards other males was only a part of this dissimilarity; it had more to do with the very essence of the person I was becoming. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
2. Sissy 1971 — Age 10 I was always far more interested in things that most boys my age couldn’t have cared less about, such things as cooking, art, music, reading and fashion. I most definitely didn’t like sports and seemed to prefer hanging out with girls more than with the other boys. My mother actually seemed to encourage this behavior although I know my father was rather perplexed by it. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
3. Boys will be boys… 1973 — Age 12 Like most boys, once I had discovered masturbation I couldn’t get enough of it. The big difference, though, was that while other boys were thinking about women while they did it, I found myself fantasizing about men. I can especially remember the mileage I got from that magazine photo of Mark Spitz in his Speedo with all those gold medals around his neck. Oh, my…! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
4. My first crush 1974 — Age 13 My parents thought getting a paper route would help teach me the value of hard work. Little did they know I would develop my first major crush on a cute teenage boy a few years older than me who lived along my route. I always managed to find ways to be around his house especially during the times he would be out mowing the lawn wearing nothing but his cut-off shorts! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
5. The pedophile (Or, my best friend’s 26-year-old cousin) 1975 – Age 14 My best friend from junior high had an older cousin, Robert, who lived with my friend’s family. Robert did really cool things like take us to R-rated drive-in movies and give us booze. I thought he was a pretty great guy; that is, until the night he decided to collect on all those favors. I refused to talk to my best friend afterwards, blaming him for what happened. Of course, it was years later that I realized Robert had probably been doing the same thing to my friend. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
6. I’m not alone 1976 — Age 15 Right after my freshman year in high school, and at a time I was feeling especially lonely and alienated, I decided to learn more about why I was having these same-gender attractions. I read two books that summer that changed my life: The Front Runner by Patricia Nell Warren and Consenting Adult by Laura Z. Hobson. These books helped me put a name to what I knew all along, that I might actually be gay. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
7. My first kiss 1977 — Age 16 At the end of my sophomore year, my friend Steve and I were hanging out together and somehow the topic of homosexuality came up. We both eventually got up the nerve to tell each other we thought we might be gay. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. I’ll never forget that very awkward and nervous moment as long as I live... I had finally kissed another guy! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
8. Call me… 1977 — Age 16 Once I had discovered the joy of kissing another man, I was ready for more. But my friend Steve had gone away for the summer to stay with his sister in California. So at my next haircut, I decided to include a note with the tip I gave to my stylist, asking him to call me. He did, and Doug and I went out on a date the next night. After going to the movie Star Wars and eating Chinese food, I lost my virginity. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
9. A whole new world 1977 — Age 16 Doug and I got together quite a bit during that summer. It didn’t matter that he was five years older than me and the only thing we had in common was sex. One night Doug took me to The Sun, a gay bar in Salt Lake City (I got in with a fake ID). I had never seen so many gay people at one time or so many different types of gay people, everyone from drag queens and leather men to lesbians, go-go boys, and even gay cowboys! 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
10. Intervention 1977 — Age 16 Once Steve got back from California and found out about my relationship with Doug, he was very hurt and reported me to my Mormon Church bishop. I was required to confess everything to the bishop, and was given books and pamphlets to read about the horrors and evils of homosexuality. The bishop also told my parents, and I was immediately put into therapy and forbidden to ever see Doug again. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
11. Pariah 1978 — Age 17 Steve didn’t stop at outing me to my bishop and parents. He began spreading rumors about me at school, as well. I went from being the popular class president to becoming the school freak. Friends started avoiding me; classmates would laugh and make rude comments about me; no one would sit near me. Feeling completely abandoned and ostracized, I seriously considered suicide as an escape. 2007 Graphite on Bristol board 15 x 15” (Facsimile, inkjet print, edition of one)
12. Reparative therapy 1978 — Age 17 I completely credit my psychiatrist, Dr. Tuttle, for saving my life. He helped me deal with my depression and suicidal feelings. However, he was also assigned to cure my homosexuality through reparative therapy in which I was forced to abhor anything gay, and replace homosexual thoughts and feelings with those for the opposite gender. He tried several different kinds of treatments including hypnotherapy and aversion therapy. I was told if I wanted to change bad enough, I could.” Note about this piece: I wore a rubber band on my wrist and was required to snap it each time I had a homosexual thought or desire. This was to make me connect my same-sex attraction with pain. I was also monitored with electrodes to see how I would react to homoerotic images and was given hypnotic suggestions in which I would become nauseated when I looked at such imagery.) Epilogue 2008 — Age 47 All things considered, everything eventually turned out just fine. While I continued therapy for several more years, tried dating girls, and eventually went on a Mormon mission, I finally came to the realization that there was nothing I could do to change my sexual orientation. In 1983, I met my soul mate, and he and I have been together ever since. I am luckier than many young men and women who are struggling with their sexuality. While my story has a happy ending, there are so many others who may succumb to feelings of worthlessness and despair, and either choose a path of destructive behavior or ultimately take their own lives. By sharing my own particular story